Today we begin in earnest our advice-getting from the peerless, the indomitable, the fulgent, Miss Quote. She’s here to answer your questions, dispense incalculably valuable literary-romance-etiquette advice, and completely change your life. We introduced her last week in case you missed it.
Write to her at missquotewillchangeyourlife@gmail.com.
P.S. We’re having a reading this weekend! In New York! The Burren in the Bronx, 6:30, featuring journal contributors and Michael Nath launching Talbot in the US. Also live music and strong drinks. Be there!
Question from Same Old, Same Old…
Dear Miss Quote,
Do you think it’s possible for people to transform? I’ve read so many different books on how to totally transform my life and I’m not sure it is helping; or, I love it while I’m doing it and then afterwards, I’m the same ol sack of problems with only incremental improvements. It all started with Marie Kondo. I was a late adopter, but I had a sense she was really helping me as I went through the process. The book said that once you worked through every chapter you’d be done forever and you’d never have to tidy your house again. I’ll admit that I didn’t do the last step, I got distracted plus I felt bad about the idea of throwing away letters and cards from my very sweet aunt, however I did at least 80% of that book to the letter and, over time, my space is a mess again.
I’ve also read, or mostly read, and completed the recommended processes described by Whole30, the Artist’s Way, the Presence Process, You Are a Badass, You Are a Badass at Making Money, Letting Go and a whole host of others that are more like Buddhism-lite. And on top of that I go to therapy and make regular recourse to tarot cards and my horoscope. I guess what I am wondering is: a) should I go harder and commit more to each process, maybe do them all again (serious question) b) is there another way to utterly and completely transform or c)is there a different book I should read, one that has maybe transformed you?
Sincerely,
Same Old, Same Old
Dear Same Old, Same Old,
Oh, honey. You’re fine. And no, it is not possible to transform. You’ll never wake up rich and engulfed in Egyptian Cotton. Staring at the leaves on the trees with a drop of honey balanced on your spoon will not bring a windfall of cash. And houses don’t stay clean, they just don’t. The energy of our mighty unseen forces bring clutter into our shelters to remind us that we are not alone.
But, I don’t know, there might be some tiny nuggets of wisdom buried deep within those poorly written diatribes. Like, maybe you can get rid of those old chemistry textbooks, it’s okay that you dropped out of college, most people do, let it go! And maybe make the coffee at home instead of paying 90 dollars a day for that banana milk matcha nonsense, ugh, that stuff leads to thick legs and homicidal ideations, stay away from it.
Oh, but no more Whole 30, tootsie roll, don’t take away not one crumb of that manifesto! I tried it once myself, IT’S AN EATING DISORDER.
You know, honey, Virginia Woolf famously said, towards the end of her life, that “Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.”
So it might be hard to break the habit of collecting long-form change-your-life advice for the masses. But, honey. You’re fine. Let me say this, maybe you are the book. The next big book! I bet you’re good at making sandwiches, really good, I think I can smell the hot butter dripping from your brioche, oozing into the dents of your paragraphs. You rub soft garlic into those nooks and crannies? You got some basil out of your garden? Yeah, baby. Or, swimming? You like being in the pool, baby? You get down with chlorine? You begin every day splashing laps in a purple polka dot get up? Well, tell me about it. I want to do what you do, pumpkin. Write me a book that will change my life. Take your clothes off, look in the mirror, and tell yourself you’re fine, honey. Better than fine, you’re qualified to tell other people how they can achieve eternal happiness, three hour orgasms, and a robust retirement account in these simple steps.
Get cracking, honey. I’m poised and ready to transform into you. Remember to hydrate and pray to the god of your understanding!
Yours truly,
Miss Quote
Send your queries, missives, conundrums, confusions, and delusions to Miss Quote at missquotewillchangeyourlife@gmail.com—and in the meantime, stay critical!
